God's Gift to Us. . .: April 2009

"Letting God do with our baby girl WHATEVER He wants to do. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. . .and the hardest thing in the world to do." I spoke those words to my husband as we drove home from the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at 3:00am. The car seat in the backseat was empty. Our baby girl, just four days old, was laying in a tiny crib at the hospital. All I wanted to do was hold her and protect her from the feirce world, but that's not what God was asking me to do. He was asking me to let go. . .WHAT?! She's only four days old. I shouldn't have to do that ALREADY!!! He wanted me to place her gently into His loving arms, and step back and watch. I think he also wanted me to realize that as I was stepping back, I, too, was falling into His arms. He wouldn't drop me just so He could hold my baby. He wanted me to see that He was completely able to hold both of us at the same time.
Letting God do with her whatever He wanted to was the hardest thing because we have no idea what that might be. At the same time, it's the easiest thing because God is God. He is our Loving God. He would not be mean. He would only do what is best. And Luke and I both believe that with all our hearts.
We had brought Rayne home for the first time earlier that same day. As the evening progressed, Rayne seemed to be enjoying life at our house. She was eating, she was sleeping, she seemed so content. I, however, was deeply bothered - ok, downright scared - that she had not had a wet or dirty diaper since our arrival at the house at noon. By 9pm, I was beside myself. I was holding her, and crying. I didn't know what to do. Luke decided that for all our peace of mind, a call to the pediatrician would be best. The nurse on call advised that we take her to the nearest ER.
To make a long story short, we were sent to the hospital with an Intensive Care Unit for children, and she was admitted to be treated for dehydration. She spent just a little over a day in the Unit attached to an IV that re-hydrated her tiny body. Looking back now, through rested eyes, it definitely wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. However, at the time, it was all I could take. . .and it was what I needed to realize that this tiny life that God has entrusted to us, isn't really ours at all. She belongs to Him. Luke said it like this, "What a huge compliment that God would ask US to parent this precious life." Wow. After realizing this, we both prayed and commited her to Him. I think that we all can SAY that we want God to have total freedom to use our children as He purposes, but when I sat next to my husband and actually prayed those words outloud, there was no turning back.
It's been two weeks, and Rayne is doing just fine. . .so are dad and mom. We are grateful for life and health. We are even more grateful for a loving God that holds us tight.